Birthday symbolism

On the evening of April 22 Pher told me that he doesn't think he's ready for college. The visit to Beloit College was great. The school is great. The campus is great. The students and faculty that he met were great. He's just not ready to go. It's not that he's not ready academically. He's always been advanced academically. It's that he's not ready psychologically. By his own admission, he loves to learn. He devours knowledge, but he wants it on his own terms right now. He told me that he can't decide what he wants to be "when he grows up" if he doesn't know who he really is... now. I remember feeling that way. I remember feeling lost. I remember feeling helpless.

Turns out what he wants to do is wander. He wants to wander until he feels satisfied. He wants to bike or hike until he feels as though the void in his life has been filled. Of course I want to fill this void with dinner, cakes, hugs, kisses, and I love you's. He wants to learn what it's like to be completely dependent on himself. I wasn't feeling all warm and fuzzy inside after this conversation.

Now only people who were close to us when Christopher was a baby will remember this: We decorated the nursery with lambs. Remember this as you read on, because when I put it all together on the morning of Sunday the 25th, I felt like a weight had been lifted.

On Saturday the 24th, Todd and I went to a silent auction and dinner for the LAMB organization. Dr. Jane Weaver (general surgeon) comes into town once or twice a year. She has to make these return visits in order to maintain her affiliation and credentials with Indiana Surgical Specialists. Todd knows her from the floor at Parkview. One of her partners did my hernia repair surgery. She has a medical facility in San Lorenzo, Ecuador that not only heals the body but also the spirit. The Latin American Mission Board or LAMB.

On Sunday the 25th (Christopher's birthday), we were handed bulletins as we walked into church. I didn't pay any attention to the picture on the front of the bulletin (see picture above). Todd turned his head to me, leaned to my ear, and said, "Look at the picture on the front on the bulletin on our boy's birthday."... It was a lamb. The gospel lesson preached was John 10: 22-30. The verses that brought tears to my eyes were 27 & 28: "My sheep hear my voice. I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand."

Is this a coincidence or is it God telling us to remember that He is in charge? The theme of the lambs over his birthday weekend and after the emotional disclosure was indeed Divine Intervention. Todd and I needn't worry. God has this one. We need to give them both time to work through it. Pher needs to wander and God needs to guide. We can do nothing except let go and give them room.

This is going to take a lot of patience and patience is not one of my strong points. Pray for me please.